We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
