i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
