it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
