i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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