You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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