Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was CRYING into my vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
