i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dick very happy bro
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
