Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
