Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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