i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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