Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
