If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
