I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
