So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im holly from the hills drunk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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