you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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