My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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