we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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