he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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