Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
