The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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