I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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