And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dignity is for republicans.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
