She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
