then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
