Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
