Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
