Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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