No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
