so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
