So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
