Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
