he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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