I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
