i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
