Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
