you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
