Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
