i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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