No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
