I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
