I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
