wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
please come you make the beer taste better
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
