so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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