She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
