I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
