just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He did a backflip because drugs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
