He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
