the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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