If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
