So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
