i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
