I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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