That's when you crack a 10am beer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She bit a glass in half.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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